A good marriage requires a healthy measure of trust to prosper. However, life inevitably brings disappointments, large and small. Not all our dreams and expectations come true. Often, one spouse or the other feels let down or deeply disappointed. Sometimes both husband and wife experience unfulfilled expectations. Priorities shift as career and children require our attention.
Healthy couples keep feelings talked about and resolved. Not every couple is skilled at this kind of communication, however. One problem is that we don’t really recognize the serious impact disappointment can have. It is like a dart that penetrates the heart, and sinks deep, unseen. If it is not removed, it festers like a splinter. The infection begins to gradually affect everything about the relationship.
Doubt about the spouse’s motives become easy to entertain. Trust erodes unseen like soil disappearing into a stream. The one entertaining disappointment, often without recognizing it, begins to add up slights and build walls. Soon resentment is sending to poison into every area of the marriage, and possibly shared with children and coworkers. The roots and tendrils of bitterness are growing rapidly and coming out in the tones of conversation. This shows a heart has been allowed to hardened and close to love.
This is why the Scripture instruct us to keep short accounts. “do not let the sun go down on your wrath,” (Eph 4:26b NKJV). In fact, the whole book of Ephesians is rich with wisdom for relationships. We have to be clear and open in our communications. We have to be quick to identify issues and just as quick to forgive. If our spouse is hurting then we need to repent, whether we intentionally spoke or acted selfishly or not.
Forgiveness and repentance are tools that ease the friction and pain that build up over time.
The Lord told us in John 10:10, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” We must recognize we have and enemy that works to ruin every marriage and family, because they are dear to Father’s heart. Instead of blaming each other, couples need to work together as a team to defeat his plans.
If we do not deal with hurts quickly, and honestly identify them and get free, they can cause untold harm in the hearts of our families. It is to the enemy’s advantage to stir up disappointment and hurt, so that he can plant mistrust in the hearts of spouses and children. He uses many subtle seeds to start the growth of roots that will spread through generations, if we do not recognize his ploys.
Without the help of the Lord, and deep commitment to Him to love one another, we are at risk of broken hearts and families. We must fight the battle to keep our hearts open and clear of hurt. Marriage is so special to the Lord and we honor Him when we follow His ways of nurturing ours. “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Eph. 5:32-33).
“Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma”. (Eph 5:1)
Carol Gordon
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