How Can I Bless My Spouse?

So many marry with the idea that my new spouse will be the answer to all my needs. Before many days pass, sometimes hours, some startling news comes to light. Surprise! My spouse expects me to be everything for him or her!

Then begins the impossible job of living up to unrealistic expectations. Hopes that were never brought to the table before the wedding are now big issues leading to disappointment! And in the meantime, my expectations, (you know, the ones I forgot to mention, or did not know I had) are being left behind in the dust.

Let’s back up and begin again – back to before the wedding. I need to prepare for marriage ahead of time, ideally. I want to be a whole person, in order to join in marriage with another whole person. If I still have big issues that are unseen or unresolved, I will only bring incompleteness to the union. Do the math; ½ x ½ = ¼.

If I am already married and did not bring wholeness to it, I can still find wholeness in Jesus. The Lord is the only One who can be my “Needs-meeter”. He will heal my every empty place, by filling me with Himself. Not only that, He knows my spouse better than I will ever know him/her. He can teach me how to be a blessing in every situation.

First, I can come to Him with my hopes and let Him show me what is a reasonable expectation or request of my spouse, and where I am being selfish or prideful. These are two areas we all come by naturally, from our sin-nature. That is why the Lord is the answer to all the issues in marriage.

My husband used to say, “There are five reasons for divorce: selfishness, selfishness, selfishness, selfishness, and selfishness”. This came from our experience, as we both had PhD’s in selfishness and denial, which he said meant in our case, “piled higher and deeper”.

The Lord alone can fill hearts with the love, humility, and grace that is needed to establish a home filled with joy. He needs to be the One to turn to in moments where strife tries to hold sway. He can teach us how to speak the“truth in love”, day in and day out. Marriage was His idea, and He can teach us to do it His way.

Carol Gordon
Founder
Heart Menders International, Inc.
http://www.heartmenders.org/
“Pioneering Transformational Discipleship since 1987”